Chayim Kashim

I know I don't have such a hard life, all things considered, and the following is not so much a testimony of my own difficult life. But of course, it is that as well.

I left for Israel glowing so golden with happiness and excitement that I forgot that I was leaving to live in a foreign country alone for a year. I forgot that this can be a difficult thing. As the second month of the Ulpan draws to a close, I've been living in Israel almost three months. Life here, like life everywhere, is made up of waves. Things seem rosy and wonderful for a certain amount of time, you are high on the newness of life. And then--and now--the wave crashes.

Living in a small space with the same 40 people for two months is challenging. We're all starting to get bored, testy, and claustrophobic. Some days I feel like there is only a small handful of people I don't hate here.

I guess the point of this post is to say that on Saturday, I broke up with Lazar. Saturday night I chopped off most of my dreadlocks, and at this point I much more closely resemble a middle-aged lesbian than the "Rasta princess" my friend Shlomo from birthright calls me. Let me tell you, it's rough going breaking up with someone you care a lot about and who loved you, seeing him around all day every day, all the while looking like the type of person who is liable to rip off her bra and burn it in front of the Chadar Ochel. It doesn't help that my birthday is coming up on Saturday, I'm turning 20, I'm miserable right now, and I have no plans.

Okay, I might be a spoiled brat. But it also doesn't help that the atmosphere here is so negative that an Ulpanist was brought to the hospital last night because of psychological issues. I am unable to disclose more information at this point, even though half the kibbutz probably knows all the details already. Word spreads like a fire in Greece here. I saw my kibbutz family today, and even though I hadn't spoken to them in a week and a half, they already knew about me and Lazar.

So sometimes life is hard. And sometimes life is less hard. Aren't I brilliant for figuring that one out?